16 weeks 5 days

16 weeks 5 days

Sunday, 15 June 2014

The F Word

Today is Father's Day.
Today is the first Father's Day that my Mummy will be spending without her Dad.
Today is the first Father's Day that my Daughter will be spending without her Daddy.
Today is a very different Father's Day.

Mummy has written a poem in memory of Grandy. She said I should pass some sort of social comment on the day. I started by trying a poem about Percy's dad:
"We don't need you,
Because you don't give a toss,
And we just wanted to say,
It's your loss."
Evidently poetry is not my strong point.

I thought about getting myself a card from Percy and spending the day with a moustache drawn on my face. (To symbolise the fact that I am both parenting roles: not because I am losing my mind.)

I considered saying nothing, but felt that my silence would be doing her an injustice.

I'm surprised by my feelings surrounding Percy and her having a relationship with her Father. I chose to keep her. I always knew that it was going to be just us. And I truly believe that is what is best. I do not want her to think that the way her Father treats women is the way she should allow herself to be treated. However, there is a part of me that feels guilty. My Mummy could always rely on my Grandy. I can always rely on my Daddy. Percy does not have that figure in her life. And that is because of me. 

I am aware what people will say about this. That I shall be fine on my own. That she doesn't need a Father. That I can do both roles. And that is what I am doing. And I will try my best. I am going to attempt to be the best Daddy that any Mummy can hope to be. 90% of the time I think I can do it. 90% of the time, I am positive that everything is going to be wonderful. But sometimes, I worry that I am not going to be enough for her. 

I am lucky enough to have my Daddy with me. He is truly a wonderful man, and I couldn't ask for anyone better to be my Father. He has been a strong male role model for me throughout my life. I am grateful that Percy has him.

Today is my first Father's Day.
Today will be the hardest Father's Day for my Mummy.
Today will be the easiest Father's Day for my Daughter.
Today is a very different Father's Day.

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