And, for those of you who can add up, you'll be able to work out that for this term, I was informed that I would receive a nice big chunk of money- £5657.81. to be exact. Lovely! WONDERFUL!
Except for, today I was told that I'm not getting it. I'm not getting any of it.
The loan that uni are providing me with for nursery fees does not cover December. I am going to have to take Percy out of nursery, and look after her by myself, full time, whilst trying to write up my project.
So, I quit.
I quit fighting. I've been fighting everything, constantly for as long as I can remember. And I give up. Because I'm not getting anywhere. And I hate it. And I don't have the energy to fight anymore.
I quit uni. I can't focus. I can't prepare. I'm going to fail. Why bother?
I quit motherhood. I'm rubbish. I haven't got the patience. Percy would be better off with someone who knew what they were doing. AND SHE NEVER EVER EVER SLEEPS, AND I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS IS EVEN POSSIBLE.
I quit cats. Because they're messy and they smell and they're noisy and I'm selfish.
I quit decorating. It sucks. I hate it. It takes forever, and I HATE HATE HATE WALLPAPER.
I quit caring. Because nobody cares about me.
I quit. I'm not the poster girl for "having it all". I suck. I don't CARE how close success may be, I don't CARE what people may think, I JUST DON'T CARE. I am exhausted. I am broken. I am beaten.
So, I quit.